THE NIGHT THE KEG RAN DRY
 
Sounds like a title from a 1950s B grade movie doesnt it? But no, for the Capital hash this was reality.
And, this unlikely scenario came about because the hare:
A. Set a run in Belco territory (within 2kms of the Old Canberra Inn)
B. Set a trail which crossed and mixed trail with Belco, and 
C. Allowed the unwashed hordes from Belco to drink our keg dry.
 
And so, we mustered ourselves at the back of the Lyneham shops, in stifling heat awaiting the chalk talk from INCIDER and FREE WILLY. We were crypticaly warned that the trail might get a little confusing and given "emergency" maps, "Just in case". It wasn't to long before we found out that the maps would be opened and used
to extract ourselves from a Beconnen hash laid spiral trail which had us disappearing up our own bottoms. INCIDER knew this and yet let her beloved Capital hash fall into the trap regardless. 
 
The run itself took us through leafy streets, past failed medium density housing projects, alongside the storm drain project which somehow flows uphill into the medium density slum of Flemington roads "Little India" The highlight of the run for me was passing a house in Belah street which had a Lada Niva, a Toyota delicia and a Hilux Surf rusting away in the front yard. Thank god for people who keep dodgey used car salesmen employed bringing low volume imports into the country. 
 
The "Circle" was held on a septic tank lid which just happened to be Circle shaped. Woo Hoo. Throwing all convention to the wind, the stand in, stuntdouble, facsimile, cardboard cutout, roneode, Photo gravured GM called for the pack to form a Rectangle.
 
The Charges (para 1): 
The first STFU award to SUELLEN, RUBBER DUCKY and ANKLE BITER
Cracker of the week went to MIGHTY AFRODITE for having a crack at the back and the front (to be confirmed, as MIGHTY has only ever shown her mohair gee string to the world in the past)
The Big Prick went to CRUNCHY CRACK as a stand in for MIGHTY AFRODITE
FRB - FREE WILLY and CAPT HORNBLOWER (who has a coveted TUN stubby holder)
QL pointed out that DUCKHEAD had shown a ton of disrespect to the Wagga hash by leaving his down down mug at the last event. All the Harriets that went to the Extreme Beauty regime (AKA witches coven) on the weekend were charged. QL was charged for loving FREE WILLY (Read that as you will). After the green trousers of last week RAMBO was charged for wearing red shoes. HELLO KITTY was charged for turning up late, the excuse being that she had been at a nude yoga class. 
 
The Charges (para 2): 
CRYING DICK put a second ding in his new car when he backed over a group of Hash dwarves waiting for the circle to start. GERBILS did nothing more than wear new shoes this week. BETTY BOOP overheard MIGHTY AFRODITE tell TWO FATHERS that his balls were going to turn black and drop off (No, you don't get any context to that story)
CRASH and BURN was outed for wearing a combination fabric cockring / collostomy bag. QL was charged for simultaineously organising a training regime for the latest batch of bogans to be turned into diggers, and getting the car she was in, efficiently to the wrong shops.
 
The Charges (para 3): 
DANGLES and POP TART were charged for doing fuck all. INCIDER (who had been standing in the circle for half an hour) was suddemly spotted by SEXCHANGE and invited to have a down down for being the hare. QL gave the run report. "its always a pleasure to return to Capital hash and see two ways and three ways and vodka sunrises"
JR made comparrisons with the hashing he had been doing over the last three weeks in  SE Asia "trail that was five foot deep in water, is not unlike trail that is five foot deep in dry urban bush". He also pointed out that INCIDER, with skulldugery in mind, deliberatly held back the runners chips.
 
The Charges (para 4): 
HELLO KITTY and FREE WILLY for talking. DISTEMPER for not having an arse. FREE WILLY for wearing brazilian lycra. Again C and B was charged for wearing colostomy shorts. CAPT HORNBLOWER for getting trail right and bragging about it. HF for having to many hash halts. FREE WILLY and DISTEMPER for being all yinny and yangy. SEEDLESS and POOSHOOTA were charged for being on their wankaphones. The RA for washing out the trail. MIGHTY AFRODITE charged all the 70s porn stars. 
 
The arrival of Ken
Funny things happen for no apparent reason at hash. Tonight we were visited by Ken. Ken who glided into our lives on the front wheel of a Harley Electroglide. Ken who was actually on his way to pick up CRASH and BURN so they could go cruising for "Smally boys". Ken who has invented yet another way to be lazy.  Ken who rumour has it once body doubled for Kurt Russell in "Escape from New York" and Ken who kept us all focused while the Belco hoards crept in to the back of the circle and stole our beer. Yes, Ken was a trojan pensioner.
 
Meanwhile, back in the circle (Next to the dry keg)
RAMBO explained that he could get a chick to pee in his mouth for $200
BETTY BOOP has done 98 runs, EASY 698, FREE WILLY 98 and GREASE NIPPLE 898
HELLO KITTY achieved 200 runs tonight AND did a nude yoga session.
CAPT HORNBLOWER and EASY CUM EASY GO both celebrated their birthdays
 
CRYING DICK packed all the empty crates into the back of his truck, and left. The BELCO hashers made a big deal of arriving from the OCI, were told to fuck off (Traditional hash welcome) and then the port barrel came out. May the hash gods bless RUBBER DUCKY.      
    
Remember, all care is taken to accurately transcribe the evenings goings on into the minutes. However, there is a slight possibility that what happened and what i remember happening may come out slightly differently.
 
GOD BLESS THE HASH, ON ON to JERRA